Thank you.

posted December 25th, 2016, 12:40 pm


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view illumelnati's profile

December 25th, 2016, 12:46 pm

illumelnati

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Hello everyone!

I know it’s been almost a year since I updated Yayoi, and I want to apologize for keeping everyone waiting. Okay so this is going to be a really long message for you guys, and I’m sorry if it gets a little draggy, but… yeah… anyways I know I have some old readers and new readers here, and to my old readers, I’d like to thank you guys so much for staying by my side and being so enthusiastic with Yayoi for so very long… and I don’t know if you guys expected this or is upset with me in any way at all, but I’d like to say sorry, and to my new readers, I’m so sorry that I am delivering this message, and it hurts for me to finally say it but,

I don’t think I can continue this series anymore…

I know, I know I told stories about how I brought this back after years and I was so dedicated to finishing it because it’s always just been haunting my mind and coming back for me and I thought that I would just want to tell this story once and for all and finally but I just can’t see the future, I don’t know what I’ll become or what I’ll just decide to do and it’s been very tough on me, and I’m just so sorry to have to do this.

I feel like such a hypocrite and a liar for saying I’ll finally bring Yayoi back and finish it once and for all and saying about how much I love my boys or how much I just want to tell this story and believe me, I really do… but I guess, not enough for me to really finish it. I initially created this story in 2010 and that was when I was 13 years old and I was so into BL, and yaoi and everything anime and in 2015 when I thought I wanted to bring this back, I didn’t know I’d just change so much in one year… I’ve tried my best to tweak this story and make my characters more likeable and realistic but it’s just not working out for me. I don’t think this story suits me anymore, what I would like to tell 6 years ago is different than what I would like to tell now. Back then, I only drew pretty, fair-skinned, slim anime people with gorgeous hair and big, colourful eyes but now I’ve grown up and I understand people have pimples, freckles, and flaws and my Yayoi boys don’t have that and it just irks me a lot. I’m not even Japanese but my story is… about boys in Japan? I hardly know anything about Japan and here I am trying to write a story about… gay boys in Japan? Okay, I’m being truthfully honest here about how I view Yayoi and I just don’t think that I can continue it anymore. I really did want to introduce some characters but I didn’t even get that far into 2015 Yayoi and I find it really embarrassing and pointless that I even tried to bring it back. Sometimes I wonder if bringing it back was useless or not bringing it back at all was better…? I don’t know what to do and I was really psyched about bringing this back but then it just died out and I realized that I don’t want to make stories solely focusing on high school boys anymore. I’m interested in other things now.

I’m so sorry to have to say this and to do this and to just so suddenly end it right here. I guess I will be writing a little “How it ends” journal thing for you guys so it doesn’t really just like, end here forever. I have the story planned out but I just can’t dedicate all my time drawing it. I’ve been through some shit, and it’s been a lot of shit and talking about it here would just take forever and I’m really busy and I can’t dedicate my passion to something that I feel doesn’t even reflect my abilities in storytelling. I just know I can do so much more.

I want to say thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. From the bottomest bottom of my heart the,, the PIT… THE ABYSS.. Thank you. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for supporting me. To those that stayed, thank you so much, thank you, for those who are new, thank you too, thank you, everyone. I mean it. It means so much to me and I am just broken to have to do this. I love all of you. I love all you so much. I want you guys to know that I am not dead as a comic artist. I absolutely love comics and I know that one day I will be able to come back with my very own, a new one… though it would probably be vastly different from Yayoi, but Yayoi will stay in my heart forever. To those that love Yayoi, thank you for loving it, remembering it, and supporting it.

I’m here and I’m alive, I will talk and reply to you guys, you guys can ask me questions ask me anything. I’m so sorry this has to happen like this, but I don’t know how else to end it. I’ve been delaying this goodbye for so long and I think you guys should really just know. I drew Misaki and Hisato at the ending of the story, this is how they look, happy. It took them a long time to finally be happy together, but I will tell you all how it ends. Once again, I’m sorry, a-and I'm sorry I'm posting this on Christmas for some of you...? such a horrible gift... I'm terrible aaaahhh aa I'm sorry;;;

Ask me anything, tell me anything, talk to me. I will reply. I love you guys so much, thank you, thank you so much, thank you for being here and supporting me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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October 22nd, 2017, 10:14 am

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December 25th, 2016, 1:33 pm

Nail.edin

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It's ok. Really. You have every right to grow and change. I do think that there was some value in bringing this back, if not for the rest of us, then for yourself.
You tried, you thought this was what you wanted to do and the story you wanted to tell and you tried. And that's ok. Besides, you'll still be putting your story into the world, it may not be a full comic, but that doesn't change the fact there is still a form of completion. It took me a long time to realize that not completing something the way I had intended didn't automatically equal failure (especially in my craft/work), and I do hope you realize or remember that as well. Your work and hobbies are an extension of you, but you are not your work. And that's ok. This doesn't make you a hyoocrite or anything like that, it makes you a person. So don't worry.
Also, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story and your art. Thank you for giving others an explanation. And, I (as someone who really understands the shift away from this scene) would love to see what other stories and artwork you make in the future. Evolution is a beautiful thing, so don't feel bad or sad or like you are letting people down, because it really is ok. Work on things that make you passionate amd excited.
Also, I obviously don't know your personal situation, but I do genuinely wish you the best.
And again, thank you.

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view ToastyBuns's profile

December 25th, 2016, 2:43 pm

ToastyBuns

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You don't need to apologize! Change is good. It means you're learning and improving and progressing as an artist and a person. And I think this experience, like a lot of old projects, is a very good thing. You've learned a lot and can use that knowledge to push forward into something new and exciting for you to work on. And I'm super excited to read whatever you decide to do!
I'm an old reader. I remember back in 2010, when I was, like, a Junior in high school, I would read the original comic in class on my iPod whenever it updated and I had to constantly look around to see if anybody was peering over my shoulder ahaha. So I guess this comic holds a special place in my heart, and I was overjoyed when it came back, better than ever, and I am a bit sad to see it leaving now (and I'm very thankful that you've decided to sum up the story for us). But like I said, moving forward is good! Keep it up. Do things you love doing. It will work out for you.

Sorry if this comment was a jumbled mess haha. I just woke up like 5 minutes ago and I'm still like half asleep.

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view Quadrant's profile

December 25th, 2016, 3:02 pm

Quadrant

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Sorry to hear that. I remember reading the first draft of Yayoi and enjoyed it at the time. It is a shame that neither turned out quite how you fully envisioned. Enthusiasm changes and life always finds ways of getting in the way of things. You have nothing to apologise for. You are not a hypocrite or a liar.

Keep us posted about your future plans though. I'm interested to know if you have any other projects planned or if you just plan to art and do standalone illustrations.

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view raikua's profile

December 25th, 2016, 4:09 pm

raikua

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Nah, don't even worry about it. I mean, yeah, I'm sad to see Yayoi left unfinished, but I completely understand the feeling of losing the momentum and drive for a story. In which case, you gotta let it go. And that's okay.

However, Like Quadrant said, keep us posted. I'd LOVE to see any new projects/stories/illustrations you might come up with in the future. I love your art style, and the way you unfold stories in your way of storytelling, so I honestly look forward to anything you might come up with in the future.

Also, Happy Holidays. <3

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December 25th, 2016, 8:28 pm

Jmage

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Proud of you ^_^
Keep on rocking!
Let us know if you have any projects in the future and good luck to you in your future.

Merry Christmas :)

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view Greensky's profile

December 25th, 2016, 11:01 pm

Greensky

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You'd be surprised how understanding your followers can be. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think it's completely okay for an Artist to change and grow. That just means you're learning and becoming a better one- also a good person too. While I am sad this story won't go on, I would also hate to see such an amazing Artist lose their passion and continue drawings things they feel like have no purpose. It can really become a chore, let's face it, no one likes to do chores. Nonetheless, for your passion to become something you don't enjoy anymore, it's definitely not worth it! I just hope that you can continue drawing and find purpose elsewhere. Whatever brings you joy! <3

I look forward to any other projects you may have in the future, and thank you so much for sharing this awesome story with us. While it lasted, I truly enjoyed it! Please, please, let us know where we can find you. I would love to continue supporting you!!!

Also, whatever you may be facing, I wish you only the best and hopefully you can get through it. Happy Holidays! Here's to all your future success! :) xoxo

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December 25th, 2016, 11:01 pm

Riaya

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Losing interest isn't exactly something that you can change even if you do try so I do appreciate the explanation and heads up. Thank you for the work that you have put into Yayoi and I can't what to see what else you work on.
Happy Holidays

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view Azure Shade's profile

December 25th, 2016, 11:33 pm

Azure Shade

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all in all, we do what we must to move on. :) I hope you'll still be an active artist though, and share your art and stories with us. <3

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view Nekrodamus's profile

December 26th, 2016, 8:16 am

Nekrodamus

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i've been following this comic for a really long time, even before i had an account, and i must admit that i'm a little dissappointed about it never being finished. i understand, though - i have a fanfiction still waiting to be finished, and i know that i probably will never write another chapter- i have he same problems as you, i'm not satisfied with my characters and my storytelling in general >__< but i want you to know, that i admire your art, it's gorgeous, and i think if you want to start another comic, one that reflects your present self, it will be even better than this one! (well if you want to do another one^^ - do you? please say yes!!)
i'm looking forward to the "how it ends" journal thing^^
okay thats all i had to say :D
happy holidays!

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view JesBelle's profile

December 26th, 2016, 10:14 am

JesBelle

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It's not exactly surprising that your interests and passions would change so much from the time you were 13. A person does a lot of maturing in that time. Yayoi was some pretty good story-telling, though. I am looking forward to seeing what you come up with as you grow in skill and understanding.

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view Bloomer's profile

December 26th, 2016, 1:19 pm

Bloomer

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Aw man, I'm so proud of you, kiddo! I'm tearing up a little bit.
I've skimmed this comic since you first made it way back then, and nothing makes me more excited than seeing someone not only grow as an artist, but as a person. The healthiest thing anyone can do for themselves when they've got dead weight is to cut it off, you're doing that with this ancient comic and that's just swell. Don't ever feel sorry for wanting to do better for yourself, who cares of people get upset, you're not doing it for them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do bigger, better things.

Good luck! I can't wait to see what you can do with your future stories! Sorry if this sounded mean towards 'Yayoi', I'm just really excited for you.
Have a happy, late 4th of July!

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view Kiiroi's profile

December 26th, 2016, 3:46 pm

Kiiroi

Thank YOU!

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woah... I totally understand you.

I stopped drawing my comic because I changed so much and it was too late to fix details that really bothered me (it was set in Japan who knows why, it's sometimes very sexist? like why did I draw that, THEY ARE ALL THIN, etc). I'm still in love with the history and the characters, and I would love to redraw it sometime (with diversity of bodys and races and everything), but I also feel that it would mean change their names, their world... and I really like how they are now. IDK.

Anyway, I personally loved your webcomic A LOT. Your art is superb and the history was really cute.

I follow you on twitter so I can still follow your art, which I love so much!

THANK YOU, MEL.
I'll be rooting for you!

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view ekkaterinna's profile

December 27th, 2016, 8:40 pm

ekkaterinna

Thank YOU

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I remember reading the original Yayoi back when you had just gotten started with it (feels like ages ago, man). Honestly, I was pretty surprised when you decided to redo it, that decision in itself is not an easy one to make, trying to reinvent yourself is never easy.

But I feel like Yayoi was a stepping stone for you, and it was important and it helped you develop as an artist. It's natural and perhaps even expected that you wouldn't stay stuck in the same story forever. If anything, I can say I'm sorta... glad, you're doing this? I always admired your art and Yayoi, but as you said I feel like you could do so much better. It always felt like you were stuck on Yayoi before, so perhaps it's better that you managed to cut it off and reinvent yourself. And this couldn't have been easy since this comic has been with you for so long.

In any case, I'm rambling, but I'm looking forwards to anything you choose to make in the future. You have so much potential in storytelling and your art, and I hope that because of your growth you can create something you love to work on at some point. I know you can create something meaningful and something you'll be proud of, so don't be sorry, okay? Without Yayoi, you wouldn't be where you are now, but that doesn't mean you owe this story your future as an artist and storyteller.

Anyway, once again, looking forwards to anything you'll do from now. I'm happy to have been part of Yayoi, and I hope you don't regret it just because it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Good luck in the future!

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view bxk.freakazoid's profile

December 28th, 2016, 12:51 am

bxk.freakazoid

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theres nothing to be ashamed of actually. we all grow up and with us our perception of art grows too.
i too started at yaoi in 2010, as a 15 year old. i can relate to you when you say that you used to draw pretty, thin, fair, anime boys from japan 'cause lets face it, thats where we all start when we fall head-first into the brilliantly delicious world of yaoi. and then when we grow up we see the reality and how it should really be; the little details that we were blind to but see clearly now. and theres nothing wrong with that.
infact, its a great thing; to grow up and know what you really are.
as young teens yes we all spin stories we aspire to finish but not all of them make it in the future 'cause we grow to see they were slightly naive or not upto the standard we set for ourselves.
if anything, the fact that Yayoi is not what you want to do, is a good reminder that you have matured and now you know what you are really into and what you can really do as an artist!
you have a beautiful style and a really good understanding of colour palettes and i hope you develop on them much more and become even better than you are now!
in the end, we all are humans and we are entitled to realising things.
so its OK. REALLY! :D

thank you for the little of Yayaoi you have done 'cause it is still beautiful and a wonderful read.
hope to see more works from you that you are comfortable with; theres nothing more awesome and satisfying than doing what you love and that which comes naturally :)

keep rocking!

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January 3rd, 2017, 6:11 pm

Angel (Guest)

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Just be you hun, no need to try and defend yourself, everyone has rough times and understand, anyone who is upset isn't a very good person, ignore them, let them go. And I love your comic TuT

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view CrimsonnReign's profile

January 10th, 2017, 7:13 pm

CrimsonnReign

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You should do what you love! :3 So don't feel bad (I just want to know how the story ends. I don't suppose I can beg you for a summary? If not, I understand.) Let us know what you do next, I'm sure we'll love it just as much :)

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October 11th, 2017, 12:24 pm

Guest

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You are very talented and I'm glad you go on. I can understand that you changed and that you want to write other stories I feel the same just that I'm looking for stories to read because I can't draw. But I actually wished you would have overdone this comic because I like it and it could have become some good story too, but I hope to find a comic from you again and good luck

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